


i (still) love you

by keymlks



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, I have absolutely no clue, Kenma Needs A Hug, M/M, Post-Break Up, also kinda fluffy, apologies!!!, idk what this is, kinda angsty honestly idk lmao, kuroo needs a hug, they have a cat named pie, word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:06:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24019474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keymlks/pseuds/keymlks
Summary: it’s then that kenma realises — maybe he’s the only one still holding on
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 115





	i (still) love you

there’s vines around kenma’s heart, swirling, wrapping and squeezing. blood splatters and kenma thinks it’s still hard to breathe.

one month.

it’s been one month since they broke up. the last message on kenma’s phone to him was sent at 11.37pm, the last call was a day before the break up.

he thinks that maybe he should be over it by now. he’s muted kuroo’s name on every single social media he has and he doesn’t talk about him anymore.

there’s still a folder filled with their pictures sitting in his gallery, but if he doesn’t look at it then it doesn’t matter, right?

he tells hinata he’s fine, and he streams like he always does, uploads videos regularly enough and goes to work, college.

sometimes when the clock strikes three in the morning kenma almost expects kuroo to storm into his apartment and berate him for staying up so late — again.

but the clock hands point to three, and then they move to four, and he never comes.

kenma ends the stream, a bitter laugh at the tip of his tongue as he glances at the clock.

he’s everywhere.

there’s an empty packet of chips at the side of his desk that kenma crumples, his fists clenching over the plastic as he watches it crinkle.

kuroo would probably get mad at him for eating such junk food.

no, kuroo doesn’t care.

not anymore.

-

kenma thinks that maybe he should apologise. but then he remembers that maybe kuroo has already moved on and he doesn’t need closure from the likes of kenma.

it was kenma’s fault that they’d even broken up after all.

most times people look at kenma at the age of 23, successful in so many different ways, being part of a company, having a successful youtube channel, going to university.

it’s not true, none of that. it’s what led to his fall, their fall.

because what goes up can only come down, and kenma thinks their relationship had always been an ascending one until they hit the peak and suddenly the roller coaster was heading downhill at full speed, wind against his face as kenma clutches the handle bars. they don’t come out alive.

kenma’s thought about apologising for so long. the fact that it was his fault for not paying attention to kuroo and the fact that he had a boyfriend, he had friends, he had people that cared about him.

he just kept pushing it all away until he drowned himself in work and kuroo held out a hand, pulling kenma up onto the surface.

except while kenma finally had time to take a breath and just breathe, kuroo brings it up.

_“maybe we should break up,” kuroo suggests, really quietly, so quietly that kenma thought he’d heard wrongly._

_“what?”_

_“break up, kenma.” kuroo repeats and kenma thinks the breath in his lungs was stolen away. “let’s break up.”_

kenma had stood so still then, so motionless that his thoughts weren’t flowing either. he doesn’t even realise when kuroo steps out of his apartment, a sad smile on his lips as he leaves.

kuroo wasn’t supposed to walk away, that wasn’t how it worked. but that was the moment when kenma realised that he’d overlooked the most important person in his life and now that person was gone.

kuroo could walk away. kenma was a dick. he’d taken the 3am visits, the late night kisses and the apple pies for granted.

it’s five in the morning and kenma can hear his cat’s breathing in the dark room. he lies on his side and stares at his phone on the other side of the bed.

apologise.

was it too late for an apology?

kenma didn’t know the answer, but he knew that kuroo was the most important person to him in the world — no, kuroo is. he still is.

even without the 3am visits, the late night kisses and the apple pies. kuroo would always be his number one, ever since he was a tiny child and kuroo didn’t even know how to speak for himself.

kenma picks up his phone weakly and his hands shake when he types.

to: kuro  
can we meet?

-

kenma doesn’t cry when kuroo replies. his hands shake and his heart swells but he doesn’t cry.

the vines in his heart are constricting again. kenma thinks he might just explode.

from: kuro  
yeah  
i’ve been meaning to talk too  
playground near your apartment at 2 tomorrow?

kenma’s phone falls into his lap and he doesn’t even bother checking the influx of notifications from his new video.

“tomorrow at 2”

-

kenma doesn’t bother picking his best outfit. he knows that’s not how his relationship with kuroo works, or how it worked.

the bags under his eyes are already heavy enough and he feels like a zombie when he wakes up in the morning.

his hands feel weak, probably from the lack of sleep.

he makes a sandwich easily, nibbling on the corner of one of the pieces as he stares at a wall opposite of him.

it’s been a month without kuroo.

kenma doesn’t know how to act when he sees him. but he’s going to apologise because kuroo deserves that — a genuine apology.

he doesn’t know how long he takes staring at the wall, attempting to form up some sort of apology. 

he’s eaten through both of his sandwiches when he realises he still hasn’t constructed an apology. 

the vines around his heart tighten, and kenma feels like falling apart.

-

when kenma arrives at the playground, the first thing he notices is that kuroo is there.

maybe it’s from the fact that kenma hasn’t seen kuroo in the longest time, but the tears finally well up in his eyes.

he inhales sharply and clenches his fists, willing himself not to break now. not now when he has an apology to deliver.

it doesn’t matter if kuroo forgives him or not — or at least that’s what kenma wants to think.

kenma wants kuroo to forgive him, but then again he doesn’t know if he deserves to be forgiven.

the wind picks up and kenma buries his hands further into his jacket, shivering lightly.

kuroo glances up just then, and then his eyes lock with kenma’s.

there’s a flash of surprise and he looks visibly nervous before a small smile takes over his face.

kenma missed that.

that smile.

kenma walks closer, and its only when he’s standing directly in front of kuroo that he notices how exhausted kuroo looks.

there’s black bags under his eyes that match his own, and his bedhead looks messier than usual.

and yet, he’s smiling.

kenma wants to do something, something other than look at the smile that looks somewhat fond, somewhat bitter.

“hey,” kenma greets quietly and he notices how the expression on kuroo’s face falters when kenma whispers the word.

“hey,” kuroo returns the greeting, and there's silence as the wind brushes over their heads again, as if patting both of them in comfort.

“i’m sorry,” kenma started, his voice weak but he manages eye contact with kuroo. his fists clench as kuroo’s eyes widened in slight surprise. “i shouldn’t have neglected you, i’m really sorry.”

“i-“ kuroo pauses, his eyes glancing elsewhere before he catches kenma’s eyes again. “i’m sorry too, for just walking out like that.”

“it wasn’t your fault,” kenma mumbled, looking downwards before raising his head again. “i shouldn’t have taken you for granted, i’m sorry.”

“and i should’ve given you the chance to talk it out instead of just abruptly leaving, i’m sorry too.” kuroo whispers quietly. “i forgive you, it’s okay.”

“i-“ kenma licks his lips cautiously as the winds bite at them. “i forgive you too, i-“

“i miss you,” kuroo cuts in, his eyes leaving kenma’s as he looks down at the floor, his legs shuffling awkwardly. “i’m sorry i didn’t contact you earlier.”

“no! it’s not your fault!” kenma said quickly, earning a surprised look from kuroo. “i should’ve contacted earlier too, but i couldn’t gather the courage to...”

“i miss you too...” kenma adds after the stunned silence in the air. 

“so do you wanna.. er... i dunno.. go back to what we were? will you be my boyfriend again-“ kuroo’s rambling was effectively cut off when kenma crashes right into him, smashing his face right into kuroo’s chest where the tears finally start running down.

the vines around his heart constrict and he explodes but kuroo wraps his arms around him cautiously and holds kenma together.

“so er, is that a yes?” kuroo asks unsurely and kenma nods against his chest rapidly.

“of course, you stupid.” kenma sniffles, pushing his face closer to kuroo and wrapping his arms around him tighter. “i missed you so much.”

kuroo lets out a watery laugh as he rests his chin on top of kenma’s head. “welcome home.”

kenma feels warmth creeping into his body.

“so, is this our new start?” kuroo teases but kenma just shakes his head against his chest. he pulls away for a second, mustering up a smile.

“let’s just continue like this,” kenma whispers tearfully. “i don’t want to make the same mistake again.”

i don’t want to lose you again.

-

“how’s pie been doing without me?” kuroo teases as they walk into kenma’s apartment together.

“totally fine, he doesn’t miss you at all.” kenma replies quickly, throwing a teasing look over his shoulder even as his cat runs up right to kuroo the moment kuroo steps through the door.

“you sure?” kuroo asked, a grin on his face as he picks up pie, snuggling against the cat.

“mmm dunno,” kenma mumbles before rubbing his eyes and yawning. 

“can we take a nap...” kenma asks uncertainly, glancing warily at kuroo who merely stands up properly before walking towards kenma, planting a kiss onto his forehead as he walks towards the bedroom.

“you coming or what?” kuroo calls and kenma jumps before walking quickly to kuroo’s side.

_yeah._

_i’m home._

**Author's Note:**

> this is absolute crap but since i wrote it i decided to post it even though i don’t really like it i don’t know anymore 😭🔫


End file.
